prodigal summer

what is this feeling i feel inside  that makes my heart smile the worries away…

i just cant seem to explain…

love . . .

in-love . . .

to be in-love . . .

how does it feel?

well, feelings are fleeting and wil leventually fade . . .

let’s ask my room mate who’s in-love . . .

when you’re twenty-one and still single, you cant help it but smile…specially that valentine’s day is drawing to a close.

you are made vulnerable to the wiles of your well-meaning friends, well, let me be specific, your not-so-single and happy-in-a-relationship friends… they make it their imposed obligation to have you paired with of course, an eligible bachelor. so they set you up with friends of their friends, or their cousins, or the friends of their boyfriends… or whoever they could think of that would be gentleman enough to take you out…

i know… based on experience…

well, its not that i undermine their intentions… i know for a fact that they only want what’s best for me and above all, they want to see me happy…just as they are in the arms of the ones that captured their hearts…

but i am happy…

even without a man in my life… i have my friends, my mother, my father(whom i consider the only man i have ever loved) my brothers ren and josh (who stole my heart a long time ago) my time to call my own, my independence… my freedom to do as i wish, to go where it pleases me. i enjoy the company of books with soft tunes in the background when my flatmates go out on dates with their "boys".

i am happy. is there a need for more? for more happiness?

maybe there is, but as of this time, i haven’t felt the need yet.

well, to be honest, when i look at couples ,especially those whose youth are gone, i feel a sting in my heart. i think it’s sweet. i think it would be nice to have someone to hold hands with like they do. i think it’s healthy as well…i think it’s "kilig"…but i think it’s funny sometimes though.

i do get a little jealous sometimes especially now that my room mate is now having someone to call special in her life. when at weekends, i wake up all alone in the flat and see notes on the dresser that they’re all out…with you know-who… i do get lonesome at times when they speak of the man in their lives with such warmth and love in their eyes.. i do get a little irritated when i asked them a query first but they answer first the text message from the guy that came a minute later. and i sometimes feel like crying when they get something on valentines and usually,  i don’t.

but at the end of the day, i pick myself up and look me in the mirror. well, the best is yet to come.that’s why for me, there’s no reason to get giddy, to get pressured by people around you, to get in a hurry to shack the next best man, or to jump into the first bus that passes…

why not wait a little bit more? there’s always a time for everything here on earth. i know my time has not yet come.

God has someone in store for me. He still is in the process of molding him… so that when the time is right,  i’ll be able to enjoy the harvest of my sacrifice…